Mr. Right… FOR YOU

Perhaps that is an odd title for a birthday post, but I hope that, by the end of all of this, you will understand why I chose it.

Birthdays are a special time in people’s lives.  It’s a date that signifies you have lived and survived through the scribblings of life.  Birthdays bring the wonderful satisfaction of another chapter finished, a new one beginning.  They give you the opportunity of reading back over the pages written and determining where you want to take your story.  When you read back over the ink blots and flourishes, you find tales woven of accomplishments won, trials endured, people encountered, emotions felt, and all of this combined gives you a sense of the story that is being crafted.

As I look back over the years, I’m grateful to see that I’ve learned much, even if the Lord did have to abandon the 2x4 method and go for the iron pole when I wouldn’t learn my lesson the first time.  One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that birthdays are a reminder of how far I’ve come… and how completely clueless I am when it comes to life.  I think I have things figured out, but the Lord always shows me He is too complex for me to put Him, and His creation, in a box.  One of the things birthdays remind me of is the fact that although I don’t have all the answers, I do have all the ones I need right now. 

I’ve also learned that the Lord writes my story in ink.  I can’t go back and erase out the mistakes and the ink blots.  However, I can learn from them.  I can ask the Lord to grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

When I get to a birthday, I really do like looking back over the past chapters.  There always seems to be a prevailing theme written for those who would look hard enough to find it.  God doesn’t promise us days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain.  What He does promise is strength and grace for the day, not for tomorrow.  He gives comfort for when the tears come.  When I say “I can’t!”, He reminds me that He can.

But all of these nice little tidbits weren’t the only things I noticed as I looked back over the years.  Something else struck me today, and for the first time I really felt old as I looked back and saw that the plans for my life in my younger years would already have me pegged for married and starting a family at my age. 

This revelation wasn’t shocking, to be honest.  Recently girls younger than I have walked down the aisle, while yet girls older than I have confided in me their struggles with singleness and the fact that they are still unwed with no prospects in site.  Furthermore, I’ve had more people over the last year ask me about my status of being contentedly single—and how I manage to be so—than I ever have before.  So it wasn’t like I had never thought of the fact that I’m in my early twenties and everyone is expecting me to make the announcement any day now (well, other than my immediate family who are all in on the up and up).  But for the first time, I felt old, and I saw my age as something that keeps ticking off more years of my life.  A life spent without the joys of marriage and children.

Now, I realized very quickly that the direction of my thoughts was entirely unhealthy.  People are welcome to argue that it is normal and okay, but the reality is, it’s not for me.  When people describe my singleness, they always mention that I am content—not that I’m not praying for a husband, and not that I won’t eagerly head down that road when the Lord opens the door, but that I am content.

So, as I began to retake the reins on my mind, pulling myself out of what could potentially become a pathetic pity party, I began to remind myself of exactly why I have chosen to be in the position I am, because the reality is, I am making a choice, just like every other single girl out there. 

You see, it’s not like I’ve never been asked.  Those who know me well are aware of the fact that I have turned down marriage proposals.  And it’s not because everyone that asked was totally stomach churning, either.  While there were a couple of less than desirable proposals, some of the young men who asked to marry me were Mr. Rights.  They loved the Lord, had good character qualities, and would make a great husband some day for Miss Right.  But just because these young men were Mr. Rights, did not make them Mr. Right for me.

And that was exactly what snapped me back from the mire of pity.  It’s not like I don’t have options.  I could go out tonight and find a bum at the local bar who’s drunk enough to accept my marriage proposal if I wanted.  Or, for those of you wincing at this analogy, I could wait until another Mr. Right showed up and accept his marriage proposal, regardless of the fact that he isn’t my Mr. Right.  At least he would be a decent guy, although not my completer or someone who was specially created to challenge me, sanctify me, and meet my needs (and vice versa).  I have chosen to be in the position that I am in, this position of singleness, because I want God’s best.  And I’m unwilling to settle for anything else.

Something I have noticed in young women facing similar struggles as I am in the “I’m unmarried and starting to wonder if my battle scared warrior will ever show up (I hate the Prince Charming analogy, so pardon me for not using it)” is that, in essence, we are shaking our fist at God and saying, “hurry it up, Man!”.  Which I’m sure, when looked upon that way, appalls us.  Especially if, like me, you have chosen to place yourself in His hands in regards to this subject, as opposed to unintentionally making it this far.

We blame God for our singleness, ladies, and then have the audacity and the gall to pray that He will bring us the right man.  A godly man.  We pray that He will give us the desires of our hearts, but we’re like a child standing there tapping their foot on the ground with our arms crossed, trying to speed Him up in the process (this could apply to men, too, by the way, but we girls seem to have a harder time with this than the guys).  We want His best and to be blessed, but we don’t really want to go through what it takes to receive His best and His blessing.

Are we hypocrites or what?  I mean seriously?  I know I’m gonna offend some girls out there, but it’s time someone was brutally honest on this subject. And that includes me with myself.  We act like God should be on our time clock.  We whine and sniffle and have bad attitudes, all the while praying God will give us His best.

It’s absurd, and it is disrespectful.  And on my part, to act this way or say these things would mean that I am blaming God for me following His will for my life.  Try to wrap your brain around that one.  *rolls eyes at self *

Here’s the thing.  I’m not saying it’s not hard.  Obviously I have my dips in the road, just like today on my birthday (and the days leading up to it, if I were honest). 

It’s hard sometimes, when I hold a little one or yet another Wal-Mart shopper tells me what an adorable daughter I have (Elianna can’t help she’s so cute!  Or that we look alike.  That’s my parent’s fault!).  Why?  Because my heart aches with the desire to have my own little one.  My bond with my little sister is so strong… I can’t imagine the love I would have for my own child.  Or when one of my friends goes through a rough patch and their husband is there to be a support, I long for the time when I will have someone to support me like that (if I can lose my “I’m the strong one” mentality and allow someone else to be my anchor).  I’m human.  Those thoughts are natural.  The real issue isn’t whether we struggle or waver.  It is whether or not our hearts are right and we are leaning on the Lord and sitting in the palm of His hand patiently waiting for him to bring OUR Mr. Right.

So, as I don’t feel any older but know in my head that being 23 somehow magically signifies that I am older, I acknowledge the fact that yes, I am unmarried and my childish plans for already being married are dashed upon the rocks.  But I also take heart in the fact that thank God He knows way better than that silly 16 year old who made those plans.  I take heart in the fact that He wants what is best for me.  And I take heart in the fact that He is preparing a man for me that I will be able to ride the waves of adversity with me.  Someone who will love me for me—all the crazy and weird and quirky parts that few people outside my family and closest friends know about me.  I take heart that He is preparing a man for me that will love the things that make up me. 

I take comfort in the fact that the Lord is preparing for me a man who will appreciate the fact that I am strong willed, while still recognizing that that will has to be channeled appropriately and not left to its own whims.  Someone who knows I can be pushy and won’t grow to hate me for it, but instead will push back when I need a reality check.  Someone who isn’t going to hate me for being loud. 

I take comfort in the fact that the Lord is preparing for me a man who isn’t going to turn his nose up at the fact that I love my troubled teens and I work with young people that can be emotionally draining on me at times.  I take comfort in the fact that God is preparing for me a man who isn’t going to be upset or threatened by the fact that I have a conceal and carry license.  I take comfort in the fact that the Lord will bring me a man who can be tender when my heart hurts over emotional scars of my past breaking back open, or when the anniversary of my brother’s death brings back painful images I don’t want to remember.

I take comfort in the fact that God knows my needs.  That He knows them better than I.  And that only He can bring about the right man for me.  Not a perfect man.  Such a man wouldn’t be able to stand me with all my faults.  But a good man.  A man I can respect enough to submit to.  A man I can admire.

So today on my birthday, as I began the day with a heavy heart, I face it now with confidence in my decision.  I will follow my Lord in His leading.  I will place my singleness in His hands, knowing it is the best place for it.  Someday a proposal will come that I accept.  I look forward to that day.  But I am also content to continue living where God has placed me, and blooming where I am planted.  Even though it’s hard, and the rest of the day will still be difficult.  I trust.  And I am willing. 

May we all, men and women, seek God’s best for us… and be willing to wait for it, serving and worshiping while we’re waiting:

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord