The Detriment of Modesty

That title got your attention, didn’t it?  Well, it was supposed to.

I think we can all agree that a fixation on anything can be a bad thing, and a fixation can make a good thing bad, right?   Good.  With that in mind, I am going to make my startling statement of the day, one many people will probably not appreciate but needs to be said regardless.

Modesty has become a bad thing. 

Now wait and hear me out before you all flood my inbox or the comment section below.  I haven’t lost my mind.  In fact, I have been dwelling on this topic for a while now, which is why I’ve been a bit silent on the blog, as of late.    

There are people who think that women get caught up in the modesty movement because the modest clothing allows them to “let themselves go”, due to its generally concealing nature, and they never have to think about their appearance.  How do I know that some people think this is why women get caught up in the modesty movement?  Because I’ve not only heard people say this exact thing, but I’ve also heard people say this is one of the reasons why they love modesty.

However, before I continue, I want to assure you this blog post is not going to be about modesty causing women to have low self esteem (I really dislike that argument).  Nor am I going to approach this topic from the position that modesty thrusts women into an intimate relationship with Ben and Jerry because they don’t care what they look like.  Rather, this blog post is going to be about the doctrines and philosophies behind the mainstream modesty movements.

You see, what most people don’t realize is that modesty isn’t really a dress code, but a philosophy, and like any philosophy it can become twisted and warped.   And that my friends, is what has happened.  Modesty has become a bad thing because we have warped what modesty should be, according to God’s word.  And because of this, our modesty doctrines are impacting the minds of young women, and men for that matter, in real, devastating ways.   

Now, I realize that you are all probably really confused at this point, and may even think I’ve gone off the deep end.  After all, I believe in dressing modestly, don’t I?  Absolutely!  What I don’t believe in are the doctrines and philosophies of modesty that have been created by legalistic men and women of the church, specifically the conservative church.

So, what exactly are these modesty doctrines and philosophies that have me so worked up, you might ask?  Well, the philosophy behind modesty, as described to us by the majority of men and women conscious of modesty, is first and foremost that young women need to  be sure they are not a stumbling block to their brothers in Christ.  How do they make sure they aren’t a stumbling block?  By ensuring they are not sexually attractive, because if they are they will sidetrack their brothers in Christ from purity of thought.

Let me ask you, what does this philosophy equate to for the woman?  It means they have to always be on guard when buying clothes, putting them on, maintaining their weight (after all, can’t have things getting too tight), and they have to be careful of their body movements at all times.  Which means, inadvertently, we are training our modest girls to be obsessed with what they look like.

Furthermore, you know what else this philosophy is teaching girls?  It teaches them that they are always on display, which causes an unhealthy focus on your body.  This modesty philosophy, instead of offering believers an alternative to the sexual objectification of women, often perpetuates this mindset, just in a backdoor kind of way.

See, the doctrines/philosophies behind modesty says that women are to cover their bodies because the female body is perceived as both a temptation and a distraction to the Christian community. The female body is beautiful, but in a dangerous way.   

Here is my issue with that thought process.  Instead of instilling pride in our young women concerning who God has created them to be, this mindset causes them to be ashamed.  They become ashamed of who God has created them to be and what He has created them to look like.  It is this type of shame that causes girls in the modest community to have eating disorders not because they want to have a tiny waist, but because they want to get rid of the fat pads on their chest because they have been told those fat pads are an evil thing (I know a young woman in this situation, so I want you all to know I’m not making this up).

Shame is great at behavior modification.  That’s why it is so effective, and that’s why these concepts and thought processes should raise huge red flags in our minds.  Shame is a tool of the enemy and should not be used in our arsenal.  Jesus never shamed women for being women.  In fact, He gave worth and value to women in ways that their culture did not.   

This approach to modesty, and these ideals, only perpetuate the objectification of women, just in a pietistic form. It treats women’s bodies not as glorious reflections of the image of God, but as a source of temptation that must be hidden. It is the other side to the same coin: one side exploits the female body while the other side is ashamed of it. Both sides reduce the female body to a sexual object.  Neither are healthy.

It is this type of mentality that caused some men in the 1800s to wrap their hands in robes when greeting women at the church door.  Why did they do this?  They did it in order to shield their flesh against the seductive touch of a woman.

Which leads me to my next point.  It’s not just women who are impacted by modesty philosophies.  It’s men, too.   Instead of “You have been called by God to protect women, and you should treat your sisters in Christ as just that, sisters”, young men in the conservative church often have the idea pounded into their heads that, because they are hormonal young men, they cannot control their desires, and even the sight of a woman will cause them to sin.

I’m not being melodramatic, guys, nor am I creating a straw man.  I cannot tell you how many young men I have met that cannot look me in the eyes and talk to me.  They spend all 10 seconds of the conversation looking at their shoes, the scuff marks on the floor, and the lint balls on the bottom of their pant leg. 

Maybe I’m just that intimidating (all 5’1¾” of me), you might say.  You’re more than welcome to think that, if you would like, but the reality is that these young men aren’t afraid of me because I’m intimidating(I know many young men who aren’t afraid to look me in the eyes or talk to me as an individual), they are afraid of me because I am the opposite sex.  These are the young men whose parents have indoctrinated them with the modesty philosophies.  See, the modesty doctrine is often presented to young men as “You should not look at a woman, because you will lust after her” as opposed to “You should not look at a woman lustfully”.  It gives them no credit.  It gives them no option.  It simply says they are men, thus they will lust. 

So, not only are we being unfair to our girls, but we are crippling and being grossly unfair to our men (young and old alike, because I have seen married men in a similar boat before).  We treat girls as if they are nothing more than something that men will lust after, and we tell men that they can’t avoid the female entrapment, because of course, young women are always trying to entrap them.

Absolute rubbish on all sides!

I am passionately of the opinion that the church needs an overhaul on its theology and philosophies concerning the female body. Women continue to be associated with their bodies in ways that men are not.  And, as a result of this unique association, women’s identities are also uniquely tied to their bodies in a manner that men’s identities are not.

So, you want to know how to cure all of these warped philosophies we have allowed to infiltrate our minds?  It’s really quite simple, actually.  Put Christ at the center, where He belongs.

I’m not trying to be trite or funny, I’m too embroiled over this topic to be anything other than serious.  The only way to have a proper perspective on modesty is to stop focusing on men, stop focusing on women, and start focusing on Christ. 

It is at this point that I want to ask you all a very serious question.  What does Christ say about modesty?  Not what have you read other people say about modesty.  Not what commentaries and pastors will tell you about modesty.  What does Christ, in His divinely inspired word, say about modesty?

It’s actually quite simple.  When the Bible talks about modesty, it talks about an attitude, a state of mind and heart.  And that is the crux of our problems within the church.  We have become so focused on the external, and so legalistic, that we have forgotten where our focus should be.  Because you know what?  If you have the attitude and heart right, everything else falls into place and we don’t even need to worry about a girl’s neckline.  If she is truly seeking after Christ in regards to this topic, she will learn where God wants her neckline to be. 

So, if you want to have a biblical perspective, stop looking at the hemline and start looking at the heart.  See, a woman’s wardrobe is a public statement of the inner workings of her heart.  Is she a woman of modesty and self control (1st Timothy 2:9), or is she the wanton, clamorous woman so often spoken of in the proverbs?  They are both very distinctive women, and even if you placed both of them in a gunny sack, you could still tell which woman was the wanton woman, and which is the woman of modesty and self control. 

Modesty means propriety. It means avoiding clothes and adornment that are extravagant or sexually enticing. Modesty is, essentially, humility expressed in dress. It’s a desire to serve others.  Which means immodesty, then, is much more than wearing a short skirt or low-cut top; it’s the act of drawing undue attention to yourself. It’s pride on display by what you wear.

Self-control is, in a word, restraint. Restraint for the purpose of purity; restraint for the purpose of exalting God and not ourselves. Together, these attitudes of modesty and self-control should be the hallmark of the godly woman’s dress.

For a godly woman, modesty and self-control are to be distinctly present in the heart. The question is, are they distinctly present in the hearts of our young women?  If they are, such an attitude will make all the difference in a woman’s dress and the things we nitpick to death will fall in line with accordance to God’s standards just by natural progression. 

As pastor John MacArthur has observed:

How does a woman discern the sometimes fine line between proper dress and dressing to be the center of attention? The answer starts in the intent of the heart. A woman should examine her motives and goals for the way she dresses. Is her intent to show the grace and beauty of womanhood?.... Is it to reveal a humble heart devoted to worshiping God? Or is it to call attention to herself, and flaunt her beauty? Or worse, to attempt to allure men sexually? A woman who focuses on worshiping God will consider carefully how she is dressed, because her heart will dictate her wardrobe and appearance…

Any conversation about modesty should starts with the intent of the heart.  There’s an inseparable link between a person’s heart and their clothes, and it’s not just in regards to women, either.  Your clothes say something about your attitude.

As a side note, this does not mean that young women have to dress demurely.  I love pretty things.  I love skirts that swirl when I twirl, and I love wearing leggings with my boots.  I enjoy sweaters with loose floppy necks and shirts that have romantic styled sleeves.  None of this is a bad thing.  In fact, it is a personal expression of my rather whimsical personality.  However, I hope that my dress, while still very much lovely and feminine, reflects the desires of my heart.  It reflects humility and a desire to follow after Christ and His standards. 

If you want to have a proper understanding of biblical modesty, you must throw out the man-centered philosophies.  Biblical modesty is first and foremost centered on God, and true modesty is humility expressed in dress.  This is the only angle by which you can properly approach modesty, for if you try to come at it from any other, you will fail.

I pray we never let our young women forget that their bodies glorify God, for God created woman, and He called her very good.

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Post Script: Before posting this, I decided I needed to make something very clear.  This is not an exhaustive look at the subject of modesty, but rather, it is in response to the struggles I have been having concerning the warped and twisted perspectives of modesty that I continue to see creeping into the church.  I am addressing an aspect of modesty, not the entire subject.